If you hadn’t noticed, Ronald McDonald was discontinued in 2016, apparently due to the viral “Clown in the woods” news story. Well, I for one hadn’t noticed. I had no idea. 🤷🏻♂️
When I was about 19, sometime in the late ‘90s, Ronald arrived unannounced at the McDonald’s I was employed at. He waltzed back into the grill area like he owned the place and fixed himself a crispy chicken sandwich. His entourage came behind him, confirming his identity.
“Are you the real Ronald McDonald?” asked one awestruck, starry-eyed kid who worked there.
“I’m the guy!” he cheerfully replied, in the very same voice we’d all heard growing up throughout the ‘80s. 🤡
Folks say that ever since corporate got rid of him, and won’t let him into active McDonald’s facilities any longer, he roams from one abandoned location to another, subsisting on petrified McNuggets. Word is he sometimes even comes across a packet of Mulan-era Szechuan dipping sauce.
He’s harmless as long as he’s left alone, but as a group of dope-smoking, fornicating teens will soon learn, its best to stay off his turf.
Patrick Walts 