Noise Pollution

I’m tired of being aurally assaulted by tired old ‘80s ‘90s pop hits everywhere I go, be it a store, a restaurant, the DMV, a bank, or just…anywhere. There’s music blasting out of PA systems in just about every business nowadays.

Remember soft, ambience-providing background instrumentals and stimulating dinner conversation? Remember the clinking of forks on plates? Nowadays you’ve got to borderline shout to be heard over Mambo Number Five or I Saw the Sign while you furiously scarf down your fajitas so you can get the heck outta there.

I can barely hear myself think over the insipid beep-boopy robo-music strains of Justin Bieber, One Direction and the like at the grocery store.

We need this to be a thing again.

And keep the speakers out of the bathroom! It feels ludicrous waiting in line to use a urinal and averting your eyes when old men shake their wieners dry to Return of the Mack.

Do we need constant mental input from media? Isn’t it unhealthy? Don’t we need quiet sometimes? I know I do. And I stop getting it from the moment I walk out my front door. Noise noise noise. Thump thump thump. Blah blah blah.

Even when it’s songs I like playing, I still resent hearing them in these contexts. They’re taking the memories associated with those songs and associating them with the mundane drudgery of modern life.

Well, anyway, nobody cares. I’m the only person I know who hates this trend. I guess it’s my problem and I should just shut up about it, but I can’t. Could we compromise at least, and turn it down? Why’s it have to be so loud?

Look, I love loud music. Loud is my default volume setting when I’m listening to music. I like my ears to be ringing when I turn it off. When I’m at the hardware store trying to figure out what size of this or that I need, though, I don’t need Man, I feel like a woman burrowing its way into my brain via my ear holes. I don’t need to hear Livin’ Lav Vida Loca while I’m shopping for a new pair of jeans. I shouldn’t have to be subjected to Fergilicious every day of my life. I don’t want to hear any of those songs at any time. Just shut up. SHUT UP!!!

This isn’t about my lifelong hatred for popular culture. Like I said, I like some of the songs I hear played in places. I just don’t want to hear them in those places. The Cure isn’t music for trying on shoes at Academy. Tom Petty isn’t music for sitting in a waiting room at the doctor’s office dreading a prostate exam.

I listened to 5000 hours of Cannibal Corpse last year, just on Spotify. I listen most often to death metal, thrash metal and traditional heavy metal. I wouldn’t like to hear Suffocation in a restaurant or at the bank. It’s not a matter of musical preference, but one of moderation. There’s just TOO MUCH NOISE.

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