I kept a journal in 1992…

And what I discovered, reading it now, is that I saw “Batman returns” uh-lot.

“What a disgrace.” Ha! What was my deal? What a little shit.

My obsessive-compulsive disorder (undiagnosed at the time, as it wasn’t really a “thing” to most people)permeates this entire notebook and I plan to post most of it here. It’s an interesting glimpse into my mindset at the time. Some of it’s funny. Some of it is painful. Some of it’s painfully funny. And some of it is funnily painful.

“Actually yesterday is still here since I haven’t gone to bed yet.”

I added that because if I hadn’t, I would’ve felt like I was lying. And lying was a sin. And sins send you to hell. If I didn’t add that part, I’d have been obsessing about going to hell over an unforgiven sin.

My OCD was inextricably linked to my religious upbringing; they tell you to keep your thoughts pure. That even a stray negative thought is a sin and that unless you asked forgiveness, HELL.

And what, pray tell, does an OCD-saturated brain do when you tell it not to think about something? That’s right; it thinks about it. Nonstop. Until you close what I’ve come to call “the loop.”

The loop occurs when an obsessive thought circulates over and over in my head until I find a satisfactory solution to whatever problem it is I’m obsessing over. Sometimes there isn’t one and I simply worry myself into state of mental exhaustion.

Is what it is, I guess.  We’ve all got our crosses to bear.

Stay tuned for more; same bat-blog, same bat-Wordpress page.

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